Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Return of the Spider, No. 2

Six days into my spider visitation (a personal and descriptive way of talking about a depressive episode), I'm getting some insights that I'd like to share in the few minutes before I leave for a work appointment.

First, it struck me while I was walking the dogs this morning that I've been in circumstances the last four or five years that contain all kinds of triggers for me. Every month has been a financial struggle, debt mounts, Mrs. Zeke's health doesn't significantly improve, and I can't find the money or time for a decent vacation. My work hasn't been very successful, and my church life is... well, it just is.

Above all, I have the pervasive sense that I am not doing what I am supposed to be doing. And worse, I'm not really sure what it is that I'm supposed to do insofar as it has professional implications.

But the big insight is that I received confirmation in my heart and mind that I am making progress, that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and it's all right if the depressive states don't stop coming. That there's a way, in the midst of them, to endure and even overcome.

It's just the how that I need to work out... but you can't get to the how without the hope.


At 6:22 AM, Blogger Kc said...

I'll pray for you.

At 8:55 PM, Blogger dorsey said...

I don't really have anything intelligent to say, except to ditto kc's comment.

At 9:33 PM, Blogger Zeke said...

Thanks for your support, guys. For the record though, I'm journaling here to help myself actually observe what's happening rather than move go through it, with the added potential benefit that someone else might benefit from it.

I appreciate your prayers, though.


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