Sunday, February 19, 2006

A Notable Absence

In the months since I started this blog, I've written on several occasions about my struggles with anxiety and depression. Nothing much to say about it now, except that I haven't had a significant episode for some time now. That's not to say that all the triggers are gone or that circumstances have improved; I must just be living under a more rich state of mercy or I've improved my coping skills. Maybe both.

In support of the latter, I do feel stronger and more optimistic. I'm seeing alternatives and possibilities where before I missed them, and that's probably a significant milestone in recovery.

I am of the belief that if your heart isn't breaking, you're not paying attention. Life in this fallen world is full of disappointments, frustrations and sorrows and it's only to the extent that we can insulate ourselves from it that the reality of it fades. That doesn't mean it isn't there. If it's not happening to you at any particular point in time, it's happening to somebody else. A few million somebody else-es, in fact.

The fact that I feel stronger and more optimistic even as I have a deeper appreciation of how painful life can be is probably where the mercy is coming in. Mercy in should be mercy out, and the more we receive the more we should want to give away. This is God work, and it may well be that the struggles we endure in our lives, and the mercy we receive in the midst of struggle, prepare us for being mercy vehicles into the lives of others.

Part of defeating depression is being able to get off the hamster wheel of your own mind and get your thoughts on others. I must be getting better about being able to do that... thank the Lord.


At 2:46 PM, Blogger SB said...

This is a good word, Zeke.

At 8:34 PM, Blogger Mrs Zeke said...

I think its just because your wife is so great :)

keep it up babe cause I love you tons


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